4 years. That's how long it took me to revisit this past of mine that was oh so innocent. Lots has transpired between now and then. Life has taken unexpected turns. Good things. Blessings in disguise. Heart-breaks. It is almost like I have evolved into a complete alien to my 4 year younger self. I have done things that I am not proud of. More than once I wished that I could just fade away into the unknown. I have caused extreme pain to some people and got some of that in return. I always thought I had my life figured out and it will follow my elaborate plan that was laid out. People have come and gone from my life so much so that now I don't even know who matters most. Maybe all the wear n tear has left just the selfish bitch in me alive. My fictitious deck of cards fort came crashing down on me quite unexpectedly and I was so taken by surprise that it transformed the me I knew so well to the alien me. And despite all of that, I still exist. New love. New life. Not sure this fits into my scheme of things. But without this I had nothing. Gambling with life probably is the new fun factor. Let the stronger me prevail. Isn't that all one can hope for?
Tuesday, 25 February 2014
Friday, 15 October 2010
The smiles
Around here, like everywhere around the world, you get to see a wide variety of smiles. Its just more prominent around here because you get to see a lot of people from different nationalities or because you become more observant in a new place. i believe smiling is your way of showing others you wish them well for the day but people like me tend to overuse it merely because I choke on words around new people and I know that only air comes out if i open my mouth. so, smiling is always the safer option.
Lets get back to the different smiles.
The American smile : It is mostly the warm welcoming smile followed by a greeting of 'how do you do' for which you respond with a smile and more smile. Ideally, you are supposed to greet them back! Some of them might even give you the "what are you doing in our country you beggars!!" smile as well. There are others who could narrate their life stories in response to your reply smile and you stand wondering what you did to elicit that response! They could start off with how they had come to meet their friend and forgot which apartment she lived in, followed by how her dog cuddles up in the sofa eating its favorite treat and much more leaving you wondering what was so special about your smile!
The Afro smile : These are ever more friendly. in fact so friendly that they could pick up random conversation and usually they are so big that you wouldn't want to run out and risk being picked up from the ground like the burly dog in the tom n jerry series picking up jerry! Some on the streets could even greet with the 'morning sweetheart' which raises your malayalee eyebrows well up above your forehead and tend to give them that evil glance all the while maintaining that smile so as to save your skin.
The chinki smile : Those are the meek sweet smiles ever so worried about how you could make it to the other end of the road. The greeting that follow or conversation if any could make you wonder why they bother talking to you in their language and if you are lucky enough, you can figure out after some 15 minutes of running it over and over in your head that they greeted you with a 'how do you do'. but by then it would be too late and you would be left smiling to yourself.
The desi smile : This is what I encounter most often because of the high number of desis in the university. Some greet you with the "oh u Indian me too Indian" smile which you return with the same eagerness. You just walk on after that because that's what you do back home! Sometimes, you don't even bother looking at them because that is exactly what you did with strangers on the roads back home!
n then my favorite
The malayalee smile : Last day me and a friend were traveling in a bus and she tells me, " that lady up front seems to be a 'malyalee'" and her reason is "she makes the same weird set of noises without any linebreaks like you do". I try convincing her as always, that malayalam is a language and she still thinks it is just a mixture of whatever strange noises you can think of at the spur of the moment which by some fluke qualifies as a language! ok, so I listen to the lady carefully and I couldn't hear her properly and i was going to accept defeat. But then, she gave me that ever so familiar 'malayalee smile' and sure enough I knew she was our clan! We did not speak to each other but that smile spoke volumes. we even nodded to each other before getting off the bus! Sigh! That surely tops all other smiles! It helps firm the fact that we malayalees are everywhere. You just need to look around and flash 'the' smile when you spot one!
Lets get back to the different smiles.
The American smile : It is mostly the warm welcoming smile followed by a greeting of 'how do you do' for which you respond with a smile and more smile. Ideally, you are supposed to greet them back! Some of them might even give you the "what are you doing in our country you beggars!!" smile as well. There are others who could narrate their life stories in response to your reply smile and you stand wondering what you did to elicit that response! They could start off with how they had come to meet their friend and forgot which apartment she lived in, followed by how her dog cuddles up in the sofa eating its favorite treat and much more leaving you wondering what was so special about your smile!
The Afro smile : These are ever more friendly. in fact so friendly that they could pick up random conversation and usually they are so big that you wouldn't want to run out and risk being picked up from the ground like the burly dog in the tom n jerry series picking up jerry! Some on the streets could even greet with the 'morning sweetheart' which raises your malayalee eyebrows well up above your forehead and tend to give them that evil glance all the while maintaining that smile so as to save your skin.
The chinki smile : Those are the meek sweet smiles ever so worried about how you could make it to the other end of the road. The greeting that follow or conversation if any could make you wonder why they bother talking to you in their language and if you are lucky enough, you can figure out after some 15 minutes of running it over and over in your head that they greeted you with a 'how do you do'. but by then it would be too late and you would be left smiling to yourself.
The desi smile : This is what I encounter most often because of the high number of desis in the university. Some greet you with the "oh u Indian me too Indian" smile which you return with the same eagerness. You just walk on after that because that's what you do back home! Sometimes, you don't even bother looking at them because that is exactly what you did with strangers on the roads back home!
n then my favorite
The malayalee smile : Last day me and a friend were traveling in a bus and she tells me, " that lady up front seems to be a 'malyalee'" and her reason is "she makes the same weird set of noises without any linebreaks like you do". I try convincing her as always, that malayalam is a language and she still thinks it is just a mixture of whatever strange noises you can think of at the spur of the moment which by some fluke qualifies as a language! ok, so I listen to the lady carefully and I couldn't hear her properly and i was going to accept defeat. But then, she gave me that ever so familiar 'malayalee smile' and sure enough I knew she was our clan! We did not speak to each other but that smile spoke volumes. we even nodded to each other before getting off the bus! Sigh! That surely tops all other smiles! It helps firm the fact that we malayalees are everywhere. You just need to look around and flash 'the' smile when you spot one!
Sunday, 3 October 2010
Re-return
I have tried to make a return to blogging many times. I always end up dropping the plan either due to lack of topics, lack of imagination and the dominant one, abundance of laziness! Now, at this phase, there is the lack of time but there is lots happening around me all the while that I end up wishing I could put it up on a blog!
Being in a new place and starting all over does bring you close to reality. I had always wanted to evade it! I had always wanted to the independent soul and now I realize how difficult it is. But that is a part I like because suddenly I don't have the n number of people I used to depend on for even the silliest of things I wanted. Now I have to find ways to do it on my own. I would still go back to having it the easy way when I can but most of the times I simply don't have an option! Learn it the harder way is the lesson I get from that!
Also, being away from home and with a random group of people whom you can relate with least is a good teacher on its own. The only time I was away from home before was when I was at bangalore for 6 months and even then I used to rush home every month. Until then I thought I wasn't the homesick kind but turns out I am. I think everybody is at some point. You just need to miss a lot of things you took for granted to realize that. Its a different story when you are so far away that you cant rush home to throw yourself on the bed and cry out loud after a terrible day or a bad exam! Or when you talk to friends from back home and sit reminiscing the good ol' days. There is absolutely no privacy to brood about all this when you share an apartment with three others who cant connect to your misery and don't need to!
Then the culture shock. I did not have any till about 1 month. I did not have any when I saw all that you never get to see when you go for a walk in India! I had it today n it was a shock about how people from my own country behave once here! The foreigners go about their way of life because they are accustomed to it and that is what their culture is! But, India does have a rich culture to take pride in and I wonder how people Americanize in a mere few months. It must just be that I am witnessing the degradation of the Indian culture but it is a shock to me having spent an entire lifetime within the boundaries of our kochu keralam. I don't suggest it is the perfect place but yes it is near to that even with all its biases, narrow mindedness and the like which should be least of our worries!I would love to be in the confines of it anyday.
With this I begin my return and hope it doesn't end with this!but seems like there would be enough fodder to keep it going. Let this be the beginning to another season of complaints and frustration and each with the tag-line I LOVE MY INDIA! Jai hind ;).
Being in a new place and starting all over does bring you close to reality. I had always wanted to evade it! I had always wanted to the independent soul and now I realize how difficult it is. But that is a part I like because suddenly I don't have the n number of people I used to depend on for even the silliest of things I wanted. Now I have to find ways to do it on my own. I would still go back to having it the easy way when I can but most of the times I simply don't have an option! Learn it the harder way is the lesson I get from that!
Also, being away from home and with a random group of people whom you can relate with least is a good teacher on its own. The only time I was away from home before was when I was at bangalore for 6 months and even then I used to rush home every month. Until then I thought I wasn't the homesick kind but turns out I am. I think everybody is at some point. You just need to miss a lot of things you took for granted to realize that. Its a different story when you are so far away that you cant rush home to throw yourself on the bed and cry out loud after a terrible day or a bad exam! Or when you talk to friends from back home and sit reminiscing the good ol' days. There is absolutely no privacy to brood about all this when you share an apartment with three others who cant connect to your misery and don't need to!
Then the culture shock. I did not have any till about 1 month. I did not have any when I saw all that you never get to see when you go for a walk in India! I had it today n it was a shock about how people from my own country behave once here! The foreigners go about their way of life because they are accustomed to it and that is what their culture is! But, India does have a rich culture to take pride in and I wonder how people Americanize in a mere few months. It must just be that I am witnessing the degradation of the Indian culture but it is a shock to me having spent an entire lifetime within the boundaries of our kochu keralam. I don't suggest it is the perfect place but yes it is near to that even with all its biases, narrow mindedness and the like which should be least of our worries!I would love to be in the confines of it anyday.
With this I begin my return and hope it doesn't end with this!but seems like there would be enough fodder to keep it going. Let this be the beginning to another season of complaints and frustration and each with the tag-line I LOVE MY INDIA! Jai hind ;).
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